Practice Resurrection

On the first day of this promising year, my heart is both heavy and hopeful; a long growthful year gone by and the new dawn that sings to me in my dreams, full of promise.   Warm, well and rested I am quiet today, but the sky gifted me with this glory, and Wendell Berry, the truest poet of our times, gifted me with the words to express my inner whispers.

IMG_7958

“When despair for the world grows in me and I wake in the night at the least sound in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be, I go and lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds. I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief. I come into the presence of still water. And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light. For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.”
Wendell Berry, Sex, Economy, Freedom, and Community

IMG_7961

“So, friends, every day do something that won’t compute…Give your approval to all you cannot understand…Ask the questions that have no answers. Put your faith in two inches of humus that will build under the trees every thousand years…Laugh. Be joyful though you have considered all the facts….Practice resurrection.”
Wendell Berry, The Country of Marriage

Happy New Year to all.  May we all practice our own resurrection and may the world come with us.

Transitions

I have heard before that during the solstices’ & the equinoxes’ is when the universal energies are at their most extremes, and thus can be intense times for us humans.  Though this may be true for many, tracking myself and my own rhythms, especially in these self-aware times of staying at home & mothering a baby, I have noticed that it is actually the in-between-times that seem to be the trickiest for me.  Usually the transitions out of one season and into the next usually fall between the heighten times of Equinox and Solstice and it is these transitions that take me a while to adjust to, especially this one right here– Autumn to winter.

The first fallen leaf

I have a hard time letting go of the garden, the long days of fresh air and sunshine, harvesting, weighing, and eating fresh picked produce and of course those delicious baby bare feet.  Don’t get me wrong, I love our nights by the fire, cozy flannel sheets, sweaters and soups and slippers as much as the next girl, but something about the cold sneaking in and the harvest being down truly gets me down.  All the ghouls and goblins come out, the veil between the living and the gone are thin…I don’t know I guess the darkness just makes me feel, well dark.

Even the garden has gone under cover for the winter

A dear friend reminded me this fall, ‘as the leaves fall they are just reminding us to let it all go’.  Ah what a sigh of relief, but clearly that was hard for me to let go somehow this season.  I thrive in summer, my garden being my time-keeper, my guide, my boss really.  Staying at home this year was a wonderful thing for me and my little family, but I will be the first to admit, I was an intense transition from being a woman of the world, to a woman of the home.  My life changed so much and there was a lot of internal rearranging that was in order, and frankly still is.  I am learning to let the rhythms of nature guide me completely and let go of all the 9 to 5, which is truly a beautiful liberation, but an adjustment none the less. Some how though, in the summer things seemed to flow more naturally.   I did not worry myself too much with who I was,  I was too busy being who I am, a grower of life in all forms.  Yes, I know, dormancy is a part of the life cycle, the wise old mother earth knows this well; in winter she rests, restores, renews….and this I will indeed, it is just settling into that without recoiling is my challenge.

Winter- by Alphonse Mucha

My mother reminds me every year since I was a child, ‘you always get sick in the fall’, and yes mom, I do.   She is right, though I may have not ever really noticed or wanted to admit it, I do get sick every year when the leaves all fall and chilly nights come in, I get ill of body & heart.  When I can no longer play outside and must be indoors more than I would like, the sniffles find me and take me down, sometimes kicking, sometimes happy to be put to rest.  Now that I have a family of my own, the same pattern continues, but now with the three of us sniffling it is no fun at all… but we are learning, taking turns in hot baths and making tea time a mandatory time of day.

Another transition that we are settling into is the baby to toddler transition; delighting in the walking, talking, laughing, playing, kissing hugging and feeling a little less enthused about the hitting, throwing, refusing and temper tantruming, yep all the glory of the 18 month mark.

I realize that all these shifts would of course contribute to a rough patch.  I hope knowing this time of year transitions are hard for me (us) will help me receive them a bit more gracefully in the future.  Maybe prepare better, boosting the immune systems and inner sunshine, or maybe just softening to it, allowing myself to be more graceful, receptive and forgiving of the inner darkness that takes it’s turn to shine.  Either way, I can finally feel an acceptance, an internal surrender finally to the season of sleep, solitude, darkness, quiet, reflection, inward journeying as well as great creativity.

Ah, the sweet sound of clicking knitting needles, music to my ears

I see why we now sit at this time of year and align our darkness with our deepest gratitude, shedding light on what gives us life and joy helps us re-orient our habits and minds.  It is now the season to praise the light in us as it slips from the sky.  A time to remember, rekindle and recreate that sunshine that has blessed us so generously throughout the year and now shed it from the inside out.  So this is just my way of saying hello winter, Hello darkness, hello shadows and sweaters and soup.  Welcome, I accept your teachings, I am grateful  and I will stop moping and step up and shine my inner light just for you.

Let the light shine from inside

Happy Harvest Moon

Thus subtle shift in light, the slight tilt of this precious world seems to have changed everything in me and all around me.  The exhale at the end of our days are luminous and splendid

And first light, direct and perfectly focused through our east facing window, awakens me. Shining directly on our family alter, these rays bring me to each day with a reminder to be present with what I hold so dear.

The garden continues bestowing us with her generosity,

Reminding us of the deep nourishment of beauty so needed as we let go into this senescent season

And as the darkness comes, how important it will be to bring that beauty inside us for the long winter

The comfort of homegrown food warms us deeply as we eat together and share now three years of marriage under this bright, abundant moon.

We are blessed, so grateful and so humbly grown by yet another cycle around the sun, with the moon and all the power of the stars.

Happy Harvest Moon.

Equinox

The cycles that move around us and within us- these are what guide us, carry us, hold us.  Here’s to the beginning of a new season- May there be balance inside and around you on this day.  Happy Equinox

“…the care of the earth is our most ancient and most worthy and, after all, our most pleasing responsibility. To cherish what remains of it, and to foster its renewal, is our only legitimate hope.”
Wendell Berry, The Art of the Commonplace: The Agrarian Essays