Finding the New Normal

It has been over a month since Oakley was born, my third baby, that makes 3 under 5 years old.  I gotta tell you, this isn’t parenting thing isn’t for the faint of heart.  It is taking everything I have got…and I am getting a huge amount of help from my family and have been feed almost every day by friends, bless them all!!  Sometimes I do lay awake in bed sweating and think “what am I going to do when the meal train stops, Joel goes back to work and mom goes home!!”  …..But I will cross that bridge when I come to it.  For now it is time for me and the family to find the new normal.  What is the flow of our days when mommy has to tend to baby’s need before breakfast? IMG_2295How do we navigate one small lap when all three kids MUST be held at the same moment, or worse need a diaper change at the same moment?  I admit it, sometimes one, or two does cry a bit while they learn to wait for mommies free hand and I must learn to spread my heart so wide to hold them all with it when my hands can’t reach.  It is stressful and I am tired, it is true, but I am finding new tricks, like singing more, as they can all hear my song equally.  I am holding them more and being even less ambitious than ever though that does kill me cause often all I want to do is get SOMETHING, ANYTHING done from start to finish without interuption…But it is getting easier everyday and we are all finding our way together.  I am getting many moments witnessing the beauty of my children while sitting breastfeeding and watching them play, something I honestly rarely do ( sit that is!)

Life is slow, but steadying and summer is the perfect time to let things unfurl and find their own equilibrium.  So I guess all this to say, no news is good news here from the nest.

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Baby #3

A month before schedule, our brave baby #3 has joined our clan!  It took us by surprise, but the little guy made it to the other side beautifully and in perfect petite form.  IMG_2001

Oakley Isaac Glanzberg , our third baby blessing, welcome to this beautiful world.IMG_1984

We are all still in the dreamy postpartum haze

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But never a dull moment, that I can surely say!

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Humbled and grateful for this great mysterious life, greeting to all from babyland!!

Solstice Greetings

At mid day, the suns southern rays reach half way into the house, the furthest point the sun will touch all year.

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The little woolen angel basks in the afternoons glow

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The divine mother cradles her babe in warmth & love

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And a family of shepherds and their flock gather together on this cold winter day.IMG_3341

All is calm all is bright, happy return of the sacred light.

Making the Magic

I must admit, the older I get, the more I enjoy, or enjoy again, the holidays.  The glory kind of faded in my teens and twenties, when the consumerism and commercialism became so distasteful to me I simply couldn’t take it anymore.  I couldn’t tolerate much of this culture then, come to think of it!  A little older now and a bit less righteous, I feel myself softening into my being & the wonder of the world again.  I still am deeply annoyed at what our fine country let’s pass for Holy days, but I find my own way rather than trying to change everyone else’s.  Having a little creature to tend, who is not only magical himself, but completely and totally impressed with the whole world, helps the wonder seep into every moment.  IMG_2180

In creating our own family rituals, this season is starting to come alive again, I even look forward to it.  Re-claiming is always liberating but the deeper I look, the more I see the depth, symbolism and opportunity in what these winter holidays bring.  Laying things to rest, being still in the darkness, and of course bringing in light to illuminate all this darkness.

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Sometimes the magic just happens, the world around turns white, sparkles so bright no one can resist the joy and delight of the season.

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Other times, the ever magical world looks simply, full, overwhelming even bleak.  I am learning, with my little one watching closely, that it is in those moments most of all that we must create the magic ourselves.  Sledding, songs, even the simplest lighting of a candle can calm the heart and make the mundane perfectly magical.  So here’s to you and yours making and witnessing the magic that is the essence of this season.

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Practice Resurrection

On the first day of this promising year, my heart is both heavy and hopeful; a long growthful year gone by and the new dawn that sings to me in my dreams, full of promise.   Warm, well and rested I am quiet today, but the sky gifted me with this glory, and Wendell Berry, the truest poet of our times, gifted me with the words to express my inner whispers.

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“When despair for the world grows in me and I wake in the night at the least sound in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be, I go and lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds. I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief. I come into the presence of still water. And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light. For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.”
Wendell Berry, Sex, Economy, Freedom, and Community

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“So, friends, every day do something that won’t compute…Give your approval to all you cannot understand…Ask the questions that have no answers. Put your faith in two inches of humus that will build under the trees every thousand years…Laugh. Be joyful though you have considered all the facts….Practice resurrection.”
Wendell Berry, The Country of Marriage

Happy New Year to all.  May we all practice our own resurrection and may the world come with us.

Happy Harvest Moon

Thus subtle shift in light, the slight tilt of this precious world seems to have changed everything in me and all around me.  The exhale at the end of our days are luminous and splendid

And first light, direct and perfectly focused through our east facing window, awakens me. Shining directly on our family alter, these rays bring me to each day with a reminder to be present with what I hold so dear.

The garden continues bestowing us with her generosity,

Reminding us of the deep nourishment of beauty so needed as we let go into this senescent season

And as the darkness comes, how important it will be to bring that beauty inside us for the long winter

The comfort of homegrown food warms us deeply as we eat together and share now three years of marriage under this bright, abundant moon.

We are blessed, so grateful and so humbly grown by yet another cycle around the sun, with the moon and all the power of the stars.

Happy Harvest Moon.

One year

Today we celebrate one year since I gave birth to my little baby boy.  I was over 40 weeks pregnant, eager to leave behind the outer world, ready to plant the garden, clean the house and have me a baby.  And have me a baby I did, right here in our little house on a sunny Sunday afternoon, Mother’s Day in fact.  All the transformation that experience would bring me, I did not know, but a year later I can truly say I am humbled, deeply grateful and totally in love with our little guy and the life he brought us.

Day one

It also celebrates the day I was born as a stay at home mother, withdrawing from the American work force, giving up the pay check, and started working on the foundation of family and home.  It was a natural step, and at the time seemed not only easy but a huge blessing so many mothers do not get.   I am a home body and take easily to householding, children and homesteading.  I was happy to finally have the chance to devote my energies here, where the heart is, without distraction and was ready to give up the income in exchange for having less and being more of what I knew I was always meant to be.

Sharing what I love

Yes, one year since I stopped working for money, but truth be told, that is actually when I really started working.  I started being on duty full-time, round the clock, non-stop tending to the needs of my family and home while still remaining a part of a greater community and whole.  Not only did I really start working, but it is also when I really started getting WORKED ON, the soul transformation motherhood had in store for me was beyond anything I could have imagined, and still can’t.  Not only was I being transformed from the inside out, but my identity, my understanding of my place in the world, my interpretation of my work as my relationship to society…all started to shift, causing way more confusion and strife than I had ever anticipated.

With me always

Many times over the course of this year I have thought of going back to work, though heart wrenching as it would be, sometimes I wonder if having my work validated from society, paychecks clear-cut and schedules set would give me a clearer understanding of where I stand now.  Sometimes I wonder if it would actually be easier, I mean I did spend 30 some years getting to know myself, honing my skills, figuring out my contributions and career.   This year has been so totally full of growth for me it is almost a second adolescence and some days lately I wonder if going back would be easier, but then I remember, there is no going back.  Going back to work, maybe, but going back to who I once was and how things once were, never, and if there was a way, you couldn’t drag me.

Embrace

Giving birth was probably the biggest gift the universe has given me, being a mother as well.  The joy, the growth, the love, so completely life changing, such pure, total gifts.  I choose every day to be here, to be pushed and pulled by the transformative process of parenthood, identity crisis, budget living, gender roles, or whatever a day may bring.  And when I am keep up at night wondering what my contributions, my role, my purpose is here on this earth is,  well let’s just say bearing life was a pretty awesome miracle to put things in perspective.

Holding life in our hands

I am sure I will go back to work someday,  or build up my business to thrive without even leaving home… But for now I am here, moving forward, being born every day, as are all parents, whether they are at work outside the home or not.  This becoming is an inevitable part of the human soul, though I think somehow the rawness of the first year of parenthood just pushes you into seeing it all just a little more clearly.  Though change is hard, it is the growth, the challenges, the becoming, I am always seeking to bring me closer to my true self  and what I truly am here to be.

Born together

So in celebration of my son’s birth, my own birth and the birth of my family I give great thanks for all that this year has brought us and hope that we continue to keep being born every day, every spring, every year into our new true selves, together.

RePost- Thoughful prose on parenting

This evening I came across this mother’s words about her journey of homeschooling parenting and becoming her whole self.  She says it so well in her own words I will simply leave them with you to ponder on this fine spring eve

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“By following my children’s lead I have rekindled my own curiosity, dug it out from under twenty years of textbooks and teacher expectations. I’ve rediscovered that glowing, burning treasure that came into this world with me as a birthright. My natural curiosity, reawakened, has set me on the path of true parenting. My children educate me as I help guide them in their learning. It is a bright, beautiful circle.”

Click here Rhythm of the Home for the whole article.